Just when you think you’ve seen it all

It's been a crazy month here.  The next several posts will be about the preparations and activities related to giving my Kazakh sister away to her husband's family.  It all started with meat ... 

Sometimes I think I’ve experienced all Kazakhstan has to offer … and then I have a day like meat day.  My Kazakh sister is getting married this summer.  Traditionally, the girl’s side of the family throws a going away party (a mini-wedding) for family and friends.  In our case this was combined with the traditional first visit from the groom’s side of the family, which all took place a couple weekends ago.  As a result, we went to the village to buy and prepare the meat for the wedding.  

Lessons Learned

• Meat is best purchased in the village … it is fresher and cheaper. 
• Restaurants do not provide meat for the meal … the family must provide the meat so that if anyone is to blame for meat that is not fresh, it is not the restaurant.  
• It is traditional to serve parts of the horse’s head to the most honored guests. 
• The before mentioned horse’s head should be served without teeth, except the very front teeth. It should also be divided into several parts … which I was glad to see because I couldn’t imagine putting the horses head on the middle of the table (like we do with a sheep head) and anyone still having room to eat (or a desire to eat). 
• Teeth when chopped with an axe fly pretty far
• I can still be grossed out
• 100kg’s of meat takes a long time to prepare
• An old bedspring makes a great drying rack for meat … you need to let it dry a little before putting it in the freezer.  
• When chopping ribs, it is best not to put the axe down in dog poop between chops. 
• 100kg’s of meat and a 12 person dining room table can all fit in/on my car. 
• Our horse enjoyed eating grass up until its death. 
• Keeping a hold on a horse’s head that is resting on a log while someone is trying to cut it into pieces with an axe is extremely difficult and not something I really ever want to do again.  
• Horse intestines can withstand a lot of pressure 
• The jaw of a horse is pretty strong … it takes a lot of force, as well as the proper cutting with an axe to open a dead horse’s mouth.  

For those of you who would like to hear more (which I’m guessing is not too many of you) I figured I’d give you a more detailed walk through my day and my role in the meat preparation.  I will post pictures, but I will save the most special ones (read most disgusting) for the end.  So, once the text ends, there will be one normal picture and then a few extra pictures for those of you who really want to picture the full experience. 

The day started with a call from my Kazakh family at 6:15 am saying they would be at my apartment in 15 minutes. The one pleasant thing about being up and on the road so early was getting to watch the sunrise and see the sun reflecting on the snow covered mountains.  Otherwise, my job was to make sure my Kazakh father did not drive off the road by talking with him … which those of you who know me know is a stretch for me in the morning.  

We arrived at 8am and picked up my Kazakh aunt to go to the bazaar.  We went to her favorite horse meat seller and purchased 75 kilos of horse (all parts).  The meat house in the bazaar was crazy at 8am.  There were old soviet cars whose trunks were full of meat being unloaded.  There were people walking by with all sorts of random animal parts.  There was a crate with cow legs on it for sale right at the door.  There was even a large cow head (with tongue sticking out) sitting next to the doorway for a while.  The seller cut up our meat while my Kazakh father and I took load after load to the car. I was a bit shocked when we started just placing it in the back of my car without it being in bags.  Thankfully, my Kazakh father came prepared with a tarp … so my car stayed relatively clean.  After about an hour, we had purchased all the supplies we needed and headed to another relatives house, where we would prepare the meat.  Blood on my jacket by 9am should have warned me what kind of day awaited me.  

We started at 10pm … the goal was to be done by 2 so my Kazakh mother could get to work on time in Taraz by 4pm.  Thankfully it was a beautiful day (65 degrees) which made it possible for us to do all the work outside.  We set up three “tables” for the meat.  Well, one was a table … the other two were bedsprings held up by random objects.  We placed all the meat out on the tables.  My job was to haul meat according to directions.  Meat with bones was placed on one bed, while the filet’s were placed on another.  My Kazakh aunts got started cutting and salting some of the meat.  Meanwhile, my Kazakh mom cleaned out horse intestines and my Kazakh father skinned a horse head.  

During the in-laws visit we will have two traditional Kazakh meals (Beshparmak), one at the restaurant and one at home.  Horse is served over lasagna noodles.  It is actually really tasty, when prepared well.  This is the first time I have helped prepare horse meat … I did more watching and holding than really preparing. 

The rest of the morning consisted of dividing into different tasks.  My Kazakh father was responsible for chopping the heads (both the horse and sheep) into the right pieces.  These pieces will be served with the Beshparmak to the most important guests.  He continued to try to enlist my help.  Although I don’t mind most things, I am not particularly fond of holding a skinned (read slimy) horse head (by the nostrils or teeth) while someone takes an axe to it.  I will also note that at this time the horse head was balancing on a round log, which was also slippery (I’ll let you use your imagination as to why).  My Kazakh father got great pleasure in sending the teeth flying my direction and watching my reaction.  

While my father was busy with this, I slipped away to help my mother and aunts with the preparation of horse sausage.  They would sew up the end of a piece of intestines and then pick pieces of horse meat and fat (about 50/50) to stuff into the intestines.  It would be stuffed super tight (without puncturing) and then the other end would be sewed and tied shut.  I was not capable of helping with much.  I held the intestines while they were cut and then I threaded the needle.  

While we were doing this, the meat we had salted was drying a bit.  At the end of it all, everything went into bags with labels and into the back of my car.  My primary job for the day was knowing what meat needed to go where and making sure we put it in the car accordingly and then unpacked it into the correct places. 

We finished around 1:30pm, had lunch, loaded the table on top of the car, and headed back to Taraz.  Once arriving in Taraz we had to transport the 100kg’s of meat once more.  I was extremely thankful when two of my Kazakh brother’s friends offered to help.  Otherwise, we would have had to make a lot more trips up to their fifth floor apartment.  

You have been warned ... this is the last of the text ... one more normal picture before the fun ones.