Ray of Hope Update

We have had one boy, David, coming to our Ray of Hope club regularly for physical therapy.  It has been fun to see him gain strength as he repeats the same exercises each day.  He loves to laugh and joke with us. He is extremely smart.  The other day we had a timer set for his exercises.  He knows that when it goes off he is done with that exercise.  We tried to get him to do two additional minutes and he kept looking at the timer as if to indicate "the timer went off, why should I do two more minutes of exercise."  He won that debate and we are now more careful how long we set the timer for to make sure there are no concerns. His parents have shared that he sleeps much better on the days he comes to our club.  Our favorite exercise is the one in which he rolls down a wedge and then has to roll a couple more times to get a toy.  I have started rolling from the other side of the room to try to beat him to the toy.  He finds this really fun (as do I).  He laughs and works really hard to roll to the toy before I can get there.  We started teaching him his alphabet today and are hoping he can join Nurdaulet in his reading lessons as time moves forward.  

Reading Opens Doors

I am currently taking my last class towards my Master's Degree in Special Education through Ball State University. Although I will miss learning, I will not miss the added work of taking classes on top of my already busy schedule. A major part of my current class has dealt with literacy. As a result, I have had to complete assignments in which I assessed a child's literacy and then created and implemented a plan for intervention.  

It's amazing to me how excited I can get over the correct identification of a letter. When I first began working with Nurdaulet, about three weeks ago, he could not identify letters. We spent one week working on the letter A and another on the letter T. He continues to surprise me in his ability to complete tasks and learn new things.  Earlier this week he was able to spell horse (AT) and grandfather (ATA).  

I have especially enjoyed getting to know Tursinai, Nurdaulet's mother. She is determined to see her son have a bright future.  She supplements his tutor's teaching with additional repetition at home. They have placed pictures and words throughout the house to give Nurdaulet the opportunity to "ask" for what he desires. She asked for homework so that they would have something to work on at home to supplement what we learn when he comes to the office. Her love for her son shines through.

 Nurdaulet's Alphabet Book

 Nurdaulet's first A (written without help)

Nurdaulet's family and friends (we were invited over to lunch)

Below are just a few of the things I have learned from Nurdaulet and his family:

• Never give up
• Keep working at something and eventually it will make sense
• Laughter doesn't need any translation
• So much of a child's ability to accomplish the seemingly impossible is based on encouragement from family and friends
• No matter our circumstances, we can choose to enjoy life and find pleasure in the world around us

Party Day!

Many of you have been following my descriptions of the preparations for my Kazakh sister's Going Away Party.  We have finally come to the day of the actual party itself.  I hope you have enjoyed a look inside the wedding preparations for the family of the bride in Kazakhstan.  Although we still have the wedding to go (in June), our family is finished with the part we are required to host.  There will still be preparations, but nothing like what we have already completed.  

Party Day Fun Facts:

• The family must provide the meat and drinks for the meal at the restaurant.  The meat had to be delivered by 7am ... this meant a 5:45 wake up after saying goodbye to the in-laws at midnight the night before.  Nothing like getting a good night of sleep before a stressful day. 
• The family is responsible for helping transport people to/from the train station.  This included a trip to the train station at 3am - thankfully, I was not a part of this fun adventure. 
• Hair salons open up early for those preparing for wedding parties. 
• It is challenging for the bride to be to get into an SUV wearing a wedding dress with a hoop skirt. 
• Everyone invited to the wedding party brings an envelope with money as the gift.  These envelopes are held by one individual (which happened to be me at this party) until the end of the night when the money is used to pay the remaining balance for the meal at the restaurant. 
• Four flights of stairs get a little old when you have to go up and down a lot.  Both my apartment and my Kazakh family's apartment are on the fourth floor.  
• It is possible to forget things ... the probability of forgetting increases with every set of stairs you must climb. 
• After all the formal party is over, the family gets together and eats and visits (since most of the family doesn't have time to actually eat at the party).  
• The MC at the party can make or break the party.  Thankfully, the MC at the party was one of the best I have seen here ... good and keeping things moving but also good at letting people share their toasts. 
• 70% of any party in a restaurant is made up of toasts ... everyone wants an opportunity to share their wishes for a bright future with family and friends. 
• At the end of the going away party, the bride-to-be is no longer considered a part of her family, but belongs to her husbands family.  
• People here say that a girl is just a guest in the house in her family.  As a result, fathers are not supposed to scold their daughters.  If they want to scold them, they will tell the mother "tell your daughter ..."  Daughters are just loaned to their families until they marry.  
• A clean car is extremely important.  

The day began at 5:45 am with a trip to the restaurant to deliver meat and drinks for the party beginning at noon.  We provided breakfast for the in-laws.  I also helped shuttle people everywhere (hair salons, nail salons, to/from my apartment, to/from my Kazakh family's apartment, to/from the in-laws hotel, etc).  I took about 30 minutes to run back to my apartment around 11am to take a quick shower and get myself ready for the party.  Then, I drove back to pick up my Kazakh sisters and take them to the party.  Although the invitations stated the party was to begin at 12, we started at 1pm (the normal time for lunch here).  We had the restaurant booked for three hours, but would have to be finished by 4pm so that they could get ready for the party they would host in the evening.  

The party started with a beautiful ceremony where the bride-to-be was revealed the groom.  I especially enjoyed seeing the joy in my Kazakh sister's face.  She was thrilled to be getting married and radiated a love for her future husband (and his face radiated the same love).  In a country where so many young women feel the pressure to marry someone they may not love, it was fun to see joy in the midst of the ceremony.  

A Kazakh party is set up with large (usually round) tables set up on either side of a large banquet hall.  A wide aisle is set aside down the middle of the room that allows for dancing and giving toasts.  The aisle goes from the entrance door to a table setup at the head of the room.  This table is usually elevated and is reserved for the bride, groom, maid of honor, and best man.  The best man usually sits next to the bride, while the maid of honor sits next to the groom.  Guests are seated at tables based on relationship.  Usually closer relatives and more important or older guests are seated at the tables farther from the entrance (closest to the bride and groom).  

Once the bride and groom have been introduced to the guests, they have a seat at their table.  The MC then calls group of people to the end of the aisle closest to the entrance in order to give a toast.  Initial groups are made up of grandparents.  Then, the parents are given a chance to speak.  Then groups are called up, often by the tables at which they are seated.  After each group toasts, the members of that group pass their envelopes with their gifts to the father or mother of the bride (in the case of the going away party).  They then dance (with the mother and father) and have an opportunity to go up and congratulate the couple in person.  Sometimes the couple joins the dancing.  Other guests are also welcome to join in the dancing.  

Before the dancing a quick exchange of the envelopes takes place.  My Kazakh family asked me to be the one to hold onto the envelopes during the party.  As a result, I carried a purse and held it pretty securely.  I also had to position myself behind my Kazakh parents whenever a toast was being given.  I tried to be aware of their position throughout the evening because they were given envelopes at random times and it was difficult to keep holding onto them while trying to visit with all their guests. The only stressful time for me was when I was asked to move my car.  I was not terribly comfortable leaving the restaurant with the money, but didn't want to leave it behind either.  I grabbed my Kazakh brother and moved my car quickly before returning to the festivities.  

The toasts were interspersed with songs, games, jokes, and dances all organized by the MC.  My family was surprised to hear some toasts from some dear friends from the States ... which brought tears to their eyes.  It was a special day filled with lots of laughter and some tears. 

The end of the party consisted of a time where the MC pulled my Kazakh father and mother to the front with my sister and her future husband.  He said some really nice things that had most of the guests in tears.  Then he gave my Kazakh mom and dad the opportunity to say a few things to Assel and Dasken.  It was a touching moment.  It was hard, but was also very special.  Then, Assel and Dasken left the party and came back to my apartment where all the young relatives were going to hang out for the evening while the older relatives had another meal.  

The next couple days were a blur of saying goodbye and trying to get the apartment back to a state of livability.  It was fun and crazy and exhausting.  I enjoyed it thoroughly but was also glad when it was all over and I could catch up on sleep and schoolwork.  Thankfully, we still have a couple months to recover before the actual wedding at the end of June.  

The In-laws Visit for the First Time (Going Away Party ... Part 2)

Going Away Party ... Part 2

In Kazakh tradition the girl's family does not usually meet the girl's boyfriend until he asks for her hand in marriage - as you can imagine this makes meeting the girl's family even more stressful.  This happened several months ago and put into motion the plans for Assel's going away party. The first part of Assel's going away weekend consisted of the in-laws first visit.  This is a big event.  Here are some random things I learned over the weekend:

• There is an inordinate amount of work that takes place to get ready for the in-law visit
• It is important to make a good first impression (read this as it is important to get dressed up)
• I definitely prefer the children's table
• Public speaking (such as toast giving to strangers) still stresses me out and causes me to stumble over anything I have tried to memorize
• The brides mother and father need to be careful not to eat too much as they will have to sit on a carpet and be shaken around at one point during the festivities
• Kazakhstan has a lot of very pretty jewelry and the girls in my family now own some of this jewelry
• I am not a fan of living on the fourth story apartment
• I now know a store that is open at 6 am .. not thinking I will EVER use that again, but I guess it's a good thing to know
• The darkness of tea and the quantity of milk added is very important
• Never be without green tea after beshparmak
• It is possible to clog a drain twice in one weekend
• 25 people can fit in one living room for a meal 
• Flour spread on the face is supposed to represent a bright future for the new married couple
• The liver represents something similar as the heart in the USA - our new relatives are now part of our liver and we ate liver together as a representation (this is not the best translation, but it is as close as I can get as we just don't talk about our liver in the same way in English)

Now for the detailed report:
Dasken's family is from up north, so they took the train from Astana to arrive in Taraz around 6pm on Saturday evening.  Myself and some of the other relates went to the train station to pick up his family.  Twelve people came to represent his side of the family at the festivities.  After picking them up at the train station, we took them to their hotel to get cleaned up.  Then, they came over for a traditional meal at my Kazakh family's apartment.  We started preparing food and setting the table for this meal on Friday morning.  I was at my Kazakh family's house until 10:30 pm on Friday evening and then we went over early to help with final preparations.  Some of my extended family stayed with me at my apartment over the weekend.

There are a lot of traditions involved with the first official meal of the two families.  The groom's family is expected to bring gifts to close family members.  These gift included a large carpet, ring and earring sets, vests, jackets, beautiful material, and much more.  I came to realize that there is a rule as to how every part of the evening is supposed to go - yet very few people actually understand the rules.  We had to rely on the older relatives (whose daughters had already married) to guide us through the process.

They arrived around 8pm and we sat down to a meal.  The older relatives from my side of the family and all of Dasken's relatives were seated in the living room.  We had borrowed tables, chairs, dishes, etc from friends and relatives.  The table was impressive.  There really wasn't any room for anything else.  The younger relatives, including Dasken sat in a separate room at another table that was prepared.  Assel was not really supposed to be present during this time, so she spent some of it in a separate room waiting until the official meeting of the future bride (which came around 10pm).

My role was to help in the kitchen and make sure everything was ready to go when needed.  This included getting tea ready, taking the food out to the tables, clearing dishes, washing dishes, and doing whatever else was needed by my Kazakh mom and dad.  I enjoyed being able to help out.  I did sit down and enjoy the tasty food as well.

The traditional meal for this time is beshparmak.  It is served on a huge platter.  Homemade noodles are made, cooked, and placed on the platter.  Then a butter sauce with a little tomato and onion (all sautéed together) is ladled over the noodles.  On top of this are large pieces of horse meat.  There is a particular order in which you are supposed to put the horse meat on the platters.  Thankfully, one of the aunts knows the right order and all we had to do was take the platters and make sure they were placed at the designated place on the table.

During and after the meal the family members toasted each other and the upcoming marriage.  Afterwards, we cleaned up the table and Dasken's relatives went to another room to wait for the revealing of the bride.  Assel was brought into the room and each family member placed money on a plate that was passed around.  This was the point at which the official exchange began.  At the end of the night, Assel no longer belonged to our family, she belonged to Dasken's family.

This was followed by the giving of gifts by his family to our family.  One of the most important parts of this gift giving time is the time at which the future bride is given gold jewelry.  As Assel's sister, I was even given a gift ... I received some beautiful earrings and a matching ring.  I helped drive Dasken's relatives back to their hotel around 12pm.  Then, I came back, helped clean a little, then took the people who were staying at my apartment home.  We were in bed around 1am and were able to get a few hours sleep before the next day began at 5:45 am.  The day was a busy, but fun day.

The rest of the weekend included breakfast the next morning at 10am, the going away party (which I will post about separately), a special meal for all the older relatives in the family hosted by the girl's extended family at a restaurant, breakfast before the train, and extended goodbyes at the train station. It was a crazy, busy week.  I loved getting to spend the time with my Kazakh family and be a part of this special day.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all

It's been a crazy month here.  The next several posts will be about the preparations and activities related to giving my Kazakh sister away to her husband's family.  It all started with meat ... 

Sometimes I think I’ve experienced all Kazakhstan has to offer … and then I have a day like meat day.  My Kazakh sister is getting married this summer.  Traditionally, the girl’s side of the family throws a going away party (a mini-wedding) for family and friends.  In our case this was combined with the traditional first visit from the groom’s side of the family, which all took place a couple weekends ago.  As a result, we went to the village to buy and prepare the meat for the wedding.  

Lessons Learned

• Meat is best purchased in the village … it is fresher and cheaper. 
• Restaurants do not provide meat for the meal … the family must provide the meat so that if anyone is to blame for meat that is not fresh, it is not the restaurant.  
• It is traditional to serve parts of the horse’s head to the most honored guests. 
• The before mentioned horse’s head should be served without teeth, except the very front teeth. It should also be divided into several parts … which I was glad to see because I couldn’t imagine putting the horses head on the middle of the table (like we do with a sheep head) and anyone still having room to eat (or a desire to eat). 
• Teeth when chopped with an axe fly pretty far
• I can still be grossed out
• 100kg’s of meat takes a long time to prepare
• An old bedspring makes a great drying rack for meat … you need to let it dry a little before putting it in the freezer.  
• When chopping ribs, it is best not to put the axe down in dog poop between chops. 
• 100kg’s of meat and a 12 person dining room table can all fit in/on my car. 
• Our horse enjoyed eating grass up until its death. 
• Keeping a hold on a horse’s head that is resting on a log while someone is trying to cut it into pieces with an axe is extremely difficult and not something I really ever want to do again.  
• Horse intestines can withstand a lot of pressure 
• The jaw of a horse is pretty strong … it takes a lot of force, as well as the proper cutting with an axe to open a dead horse’s mouth.  

For those of you who would like to hear more (which I’m guessing is not too many of you) I figured I’d give you a more detailed walk through my day and my role in the meat preparation.  I will post pictures, but I will save the most special ones (read most disgusting) for the end.  So, once the text ends, there will be one normal picture and then a few extra pictures for those of you who really want to picture the full experience. 

The day started with a call from my Kazakh family at 6:15 am saying they would be at my apartment in 15 minutes. The one pleasant thing about being up and on the road so early was getting to watch the sunrise and see the sun reflecting on the snow covered mountains.  Otherwise, my job was to make sure my Kazakh father did not drive off the road by talking with him … which those of you who know me know is a stretch for me in the morning.  

We arrived at 8am and picked up my Kazakh aunt to go to the bazaar.  We went to her favorite horse meat seller and purchased 75 kilos of horse (all parts).  The meat house in the bazaar was crazy at 8am.  There were old soviet cars whose trunks were full of meat being unloaded.  There were people walking by with all sorts of random animal parts.  There was a crate with cow legs on it for sale right at the door.  There was even a large cow head (with tongue sticking out) sitting next to the doorway for a while.  The seller cut up our meat while my Kazakh father and I took load after load to the car. I was a bit shocked when we started just placing it in the back of my car without it being in bags.  Thankfully, my Kazakh father came prepared with a tarp … so my car stayed relatively clean.  After about an hour, we had purchased all the supplies we needed and headed to another relatives house, where we would prepare the meat.  Blood on my jacket by 9am should have warned me what kind of day awaited me.  

We started at 10pm … the goal was to be done by 2 so my Kazakh mother could get to work on time in Taraz by 4pm.  Thankfully it was a beautiful day (65 degrees) which made it possible for us to do all the work outside.  We set up three “tables” for the meat.  Well, one was a table … the other two were bedsprings held up by random objects.  We placed all the meat out on the tables.  My job was to haul meat according to directions.  Meat with bones was placed on one bed, while the filet’s were placed on another.  My Kazakh aunts got started cutting and salting some of the meat.  Meanwhile, my Kazakh mom cleaned out horse intestines and my Kazakh father skinned a horse head.  

During the in-laws visit we will have two traditional Kazakh meals (Beshparmak), one at the restaurant and one at home.  Horse is served over lasagna noodles.  It is actually really tasty, when prepared well.  This is the first time I have helped prepare horse meat … I did more watching and holding than really preparing. 

The rest of the morning consisted of dividing into different tasks.  My Kazakh father was responsible for chopping the heads (both the horse and sheep) into the right pieces.  These pieces will be served with the Beshparmak to the most important guests.  He continued to try to enlist my help.  Although I don’t mind most things, I am not particularly fond of holding a skinned (read slimy) horse head (by the nostrils or teeth) while someone takes an axe to it.  I will also note that at this time the horse head was balancing on a round log, which was also slippery (I’ll let you use your imagination as to why).  My Kazakh father got great pleasure in sending the teeth flying my direction and watching my reaction.  

While my father was busy with this, I slipped away to help my mother and aunts with the preparation of horse sausage.  They would sew up the end of a piece of intestines and then pick pieces of horse meat and fat (about 50/50) to stuff into the intestines.  It would be stuffed super tight (without puncturing) and then the other end would be sewed and tied shut.  I was not capable of helping with much.  I held the intestines while they were cut and then I threaded the needle.  

While we were doing this, the meat we had salted was drying a bit.  At the end of it all, everything went into bags with labels and into the back of my car.  My primary job for the day was knowing what meat needed to go where and making sure we put it in the car accordingly and then unpacked it into the correct places. 

We finished around 1:30pm, had lunch, loaded the table on top of the car, and headed back to Taraz.  Once arriving in Taraz we had to transport the 100kg’s of meat once more.  I was extremely thankful when two of my Kazakh brother’s friends offered to help.  Otherwise, we would have had to make a lot more trips up to their fifth floor apartment.  

You have been warned ... this is the last of the text ... one more normal picture before the fun ones.