Settling In

The week and half that I have been back in the States have been pretty eventful.  I have had to visit the doctor (sore throat caught in Kaz) and have had a chance to catch up with many friends.  I have really enjoyed being able to hang out with my small group and other friends here.  I have also started helping with a local youth center, which I have thoroughly enjoyed.  

This week I moved into a house that I am house sitting.  This has been a confirmation to me that I am doing the right thing, even though it has been very difficult not to return to Kazakhstan for the time being.  I have pretty much unpacked everything (this doesn't include putting it all away though).  :)  I will take the next week or two to get settled in.  I have met several of my neighbors and feel very safe in this neighborhood. 

I have new phone numbers as a result of the move and my old cell phone dying.  If you click on the link on the side of this blog you will be able to call me using Google Voice.  It will ring both my cell and my home phone.  You can either do this to get my new number or send me an email and I will send it to you.  Thanks for all your encouragement as I have been walking through this challenging period.  I have a sense of complete peace, which is really nice.   

Musings

I was trying to think about how to best describe these last two weeks in a concise manner and decided that it wasn't possible to write it in the same way I usually write.  So instead this time I am just going to give you random phrases of things I thought and noticed during my first two weeks in Kazakhstan.  Hopefully it will give you a glimpse of my heart and the emotions I have been through as I have had special times with my kids and had to say goodbye. 

When I told the kids at Vanofka that I was leaving, one of the 16 year old boys had a hard time with it.  The rest of the afternoon he barely acknowledged me.  The next day (my last day with them), I got a chance to talk to him.  When I said it was hard he said to me "I cried yesterday."   I was able to tell him that I did too.  What a bittersweet memory - knowing I had touched his life that much, but also knowing that I might not get to see him again (at least for a while). 

Getting to see the lives of the youth that came over on the delegation change as a result of their time here. 

Despite the hurt of going back to the States right now, I am anticipating getting to work with the youth that came over.  I am looking forward to watching them play sports and seeing how this trip impacts their lives. 

Watching the kids read the letters that I gave them explaining my return to the States and having them come up afterwards give me a hug, tell me they would miss me, and then tell me they would write.

The pats on the back or smiles from the delegates when they knew I was having an especially tough time. 

Laughter

Having the energy to play soccer and enjoy it again. 

Standing outside in a thunderstorm trying to keep the rain flaps on the tents and getting completely soaked.  Everything inside the tents got pretty soaked as well.

Seeing the most beautiful double rainbow that I have seen since living in Kenya when I was seven.

My heart breaking as I watched the faces of children as I told them I wouldn't be back for a while.

Watching the youth interact with my kids despite the language barrier and the short time in Kaz. 

Love

The beauty of Kazakhstan.

The sense that I was home as I traveled throughout the country.  I was filled with an amazing sense of peace. 

Joy at seeing my Kazakh family for the first time. 

Sitting on the square eating hot bread (just cooked) with butter accompanied by the vice-governors of the village. 

Well, I guess that is enough.   This week I will have some time in the office to try to organize things with Kids Connection.  I will also spend time with my Kazakh family.  On Friday I will go to Savva orphanage camp and celebrate birthdays and say goodbye to my kids there. 

Saying Goodbye

Things are going really well with the delegation.  We just moved on to the second part our trip.  Our first three days were spent with the children of Vanofka orphanage.  It was so good to see some of my kids again.  I have missed them a lot since being back in the States.  I was reminded of how strong those relationships have grown over time. 

On Friday I explained that I was not coming back to live right away.  It was such a hard discussion to get through, especially while watching the kids' faces.  Earlier that day the delegation had a lesson about doing the right thing even when it was hard.  Without planning it, my talk with them about staying in the States right now went right along with the lesson.  I chose to do this right before our swim time so that we would have something to distract us and cause us to have fun despite the sad news.  I also wanted to give them time to process it before I left.  One young man was talking to me the next day about it and admitted to me that he cried when I told them.  I was able to tell him that I did too.  After swimming I had to take some time to myself to process the pain of leaving behind these kids for the time being.   

One of the highlights of my time was being able to play soccer with the kids.  We played Americans vs. Kazakhs - which was a lot of fun.  It was a pretty intense game and at the end of an hour it ended up in a tie.  It was fun to have the energy and desire to play a serious game of soccer again. 

I have really enjoyed being able to help facilitate this delegation.  The youth are growing so much and really made a difference in the lives of kids at Vanofka.  It was fun to see how well they connected despite the language barrier and our short time there. 

Despite some lack of sleep, I am really enjoying my time so far and am continuing to look forward to my time here.  I know it will be very difficult to say goodbye to the rest of my kids and my friends here, but I also know it will be a really good time.